Jim Dowd Questioned by Authorities

It was an odd site this morning, seeing 4 black SUV's with tinted windows lined up in front of the Flyers SkateZone in Voorhees. Things got even stranger when I walked into the rink and saw a guy who looked like he had just jumped straight out of Men in Black drawing the blinds on a defiant looking Jim Dowd. Apparently there is some suspicion as to whether or not Dowd was involved in a plot that led to the injury of Steve Downie in last night's win over the Caps. On Youtube there is a slide show featuring pictures of Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding, with an alleged recording of a conversation between Dowd and Caps forward Jay Beagle, entitled "Jim Dowd Plots To Kill." I've listened to it myself and must say that it sounds an awful lot like Dowd. But you can be the judge for yourself. Here's the transcript:

Attempt 1:
Dowd: Operator, please connect me to 7-Alpha-3-Niner-Niner-Oklahoma...oh God damn these things!

Attempt 2:
(4 minutes of dialing)
Beagle: Hello?
Dowd: Hello Jay. This is Jim Dowd, 4th line center of the Philadelphia Flyers....

Beagle: (silence)
Dowd: Jay, this is where you say something recognizing you understood what I just said so I can continue speaking.

Beagle: OK...
Dowd: Very good. Now onto the purpose of my call. I am willing to pay you $100 to injury as many of my teammates as you can in tonight's game.

Beagle: Are you serious?
Dowd: Very. Now I can see you're a business man so how much is it going to take?

Beagle: What? ...$100 Million.
Dowd: You rapscallion! The entire of Louisiana cost only $23 million!

Beagle: Who is this? Ovie, is that you?
Dowd: I am no Ovie! I am Jim Dowd of Brick, New Jersey. The finest of the King's colonies!

Beagle: Ok Jim Dowd. How should I do it? Knee on knee? High stick? Hollweg?
Dowd: Well, when I was about 90 a man walked right up behind president Lincoln and shot hit straight in the back of the head. Is that something you'd be willing to do?

Beagle: Oh yeah, definitely. I've been polishing my six shooter all day.
Dowd: Splendid. Now I really don't care who it is. The more of them the better. Now, since I cannot meet your demands I am willing to offer you my wife and my finest pheasant as due compensation. What does a gentleman of your stature say to that?

Beagle: That sounds great. Listen, Betsy Ross is on the other line. I have to run.
Dowd: Betsy, my dear! You must say hello to her for me! It's been too long!

Beagle: Don't ever call me again.

It's really difficult to tell from this low quality audio but there's a possibility Dowd is so desperate to keep his hockey career alive that he would stoop to these measures. There's also a possibility that his senility has overcome him. He has been wearing only turtle necks and no pants around in public lately. Everyone's just been too afraid to ask him why for fear of one of his famous over-the-knee spankings.