Who's Here?

Former Flyer Patrick Thoresen flew into Philadelphia International today on a consulting contract to bring the Flyers up to speed on the latest club clothes, dance moves, and general do's and don'ts.

"For instance, you'll be exposed as a fraud immediately if you're doing any free form glow stick dancing. That is aut." Thoresen told FGSB via a conference call from Sky Asian Bistro where he said he had sampled 14 of their 32 distinct wines by the glass. "If you want to dance with a glow stick it has to be on a necklace and you can only hold onto it and dance like it's a pendulum. Someone like Danny Biere's not going to know that.

"Also, take an older player like Ian Laperriere or Chris Pronger. Old is haut, but they probably don't know that. The need to be told to wear clothes that can easily be unzipped. Wigs are not out of the question. Tight is das shit."

Thoresen will be briefing the team on the flight down to Fort Lauderdale as well as escorting them into live situations on the dance floors of Fort Lauderdale. He's planned team building exercises such as full team Lemon Drops, 3 man dancing, and the ultimate trust exercise, glory holing.

"I want the players to explore both sides of the glory hole. The basic tenant is trust. It's required on both sides. You can't get closer than that in a club in Florida."

Shortly before coming to the Flyers in 2008 Thoresen led the Canadiens on a similar team building trip that ended with two Montreal players arrested for stealing a lady's purse. He hopes to avoid such an incident this time around.

"When those martinis and music get flowing through your veins it's very easy to lose control. The point is to lose control with each other though. Participate in some group sex with a college girl, get out on the dance floor and do a played out dance move in the middle of all the other guys, wander into the 4th stall in the men's bathroom and see what happens. Controlled chaos is what you're after at the club. When you achieve that nothing can stop you."