Two good wins by the Gagne, Briere, Knuble, Lupul-less Flyers and we're tied for 6th place in the conference with The Islanders (?), and we have a bunch of games at hand against most teams ahead of us. We have a serious (non-SE) opponent on Friday and a week to get ready for them and read stories all about David Laliberte's ascension from the ECHL to the show, Danny Briere maybe coming back only to eventually require surgery I'm sure, JVR being a Calder candidate, and the Ray Emery gamble paying off so far.

But I want to take this time to talk to you about something a little more serious.

When I'm watching a hockey game guess what - so are my semens. Same thing goes for baseball. Well, actually anything. Which is why I've started a non-profit designed to eliminate cursing from professional sports. HD tv and extreme close-ups have lead to an environment where I can't make it through a game without seeing a player very clearly scream "fuck" or pick his nose and then spend a minute trying to flick the booger off of his finger, but really only transferring it from one to the other over and over again.

Children, and in the eyes of God my semen, are as impressionable and as the old argument goes professional athletes are role models no matter what Charles Barkley says. Last night after the Konopka-Asham fight I almost pulled a glute in a quick attempt to cross my legs and block my semen's view of the tv as Zenon repeatedly mouthed the word "fuck" over and over again.

The purpose of my non-profit is to first of all gain myself notoriety, and second of all avoid a situation where in 5-8 years my child comes up to me while I'm making a cheese and ketchup sandwich in the kitchen and calls me a "fucking pussy," and then tells me he learned it from Sean Avery. Because at that point the only choice I'll have is to stand in front of the tv and hold up a black bar after every whistle in a hockey game and every time they show the dug out during baseball. Dios Mio, for football I'm going to have to mute the tv and put some wax paper over the screen so me child can only kind of see what's going on.

Think of my non-profit firstly as the lighthouse for the greatest cause there is - saving the children. Secondly think of it as a giant swearing jar in which will be collected the money of any pro athlete caught swearing on camera. $1,000 a pop should do. For the sake of transparency let me get this out there right away - 20% of the money collected will go to my wardrobe, 30% will go to my drug habits, and 25% will be labeled as "frivolity expenses." The rest will be used to offer scholarships to kids who are underachieving in school but are probably really fucking smart. Oh snap, we just made $1,000 already…

Seeing as I don't really watch anything but the Phils, Flyers, and Birds I'm going to need all the help I can get to be notified of these instances, with visual proof preferably. Just in case this picks up immediately I'm already wearing a metal athletic support to shied their little gooey eyes from the footage I will need to review.