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Dear Montreal Canadiens,
Look, I think we left things last night on the wrong foot. It was a good hockey game, no one can argue that. But the end of the third period, just wasn't how we wanted to end things. Thankfully we don't have to wait long to make amends. You seemed pretty upset at a few of us last night, and I just wanted to clear the air before the puck drops tonight up at your barn. It looked like you were pissed at D. Powerhouse for, you know, playing hockey. I can't help it if that slack jawed should-be-working-at-an-Applebee's Jaroslav Spacek was falling to the ice when Mr. Dynamite Powder took him back to his dark place. Old Jaro probably woke up thinking he was still in Buffalo.
You know, if it wasn't for your shit play for 40+ minutes, we wouldn't have had to be in that situation where we had to kill one of your defenceman. Alot of that is most likely due to your goalie, who by the looks of things, won't be in net tonight. I understand. After jumping so many Simon Gagne's and getting pushed by Scott Hartnell's, I wouldn't want to play twice in a row either. And to you, little Scott Gomez, I'm sorry. I'm sorry your Alaskan mother made you so tiny. It must be the cold milk up there. You are so tiny, but you play like a big boy. Maybe you can head back to the ECHL like you did during the lockout to make yourself feel better. When Chris Pronger was holding you up by your tiny jersey, you looked just like one of those dolls my sister had growing up. The same dolls I gave to my dog when his red rocket was fully ready to go....And to anyone else on the Habs, if you're still upset, we get it. We'd be upset if we were in your position too. Your best players can't even reach the tops of their lockers...and your defence is the slowest bunch of skaters on earth. You also lost 6th place last night, and we aren't giving you that back tonight. We play no-keep backs...ever hear of it? Playground rules out here, bitch.
And if any of you feel like a big boy....you know, wanting to "stick up for lil' Scott Gomez" or soon-to-be-serving-me-loaded-nachos Jaroslav Spacek, that's fine. Its understandable. This is hockey right? Not that pussy shit NBA (btw, Steve Nash, Canada? really?! What...was Dave Coulier busy last night?) So if you want to be a man, that's fine. If you want to get your stinky, non-hygienic fans into more of a tizzy, go right ahead. Just know that when you do, he'll be watching.
 That is, if you can stop suckling off your mother's teets for long enough.Good luck, pussies.
Love,
Nazi Germany
Let's Go Flyers.
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-Note that I have nothing against Canada or Canadians. You can't really hate them and love hockey.