Conan Covers the Flyers

Who's Here?

Syndication

Written by Conan/Ryan

Wednesday, 17 March 2010 07:42

While in between jobs as the former host of The Tonight Show and the future host of whatever late night show Fox decides to put up against NBC and CBS's late night pillars, Conan O'Brien has been looking for projects to pass the time. Luckily enough through a connection (he went to Harvard and I've been there, oh, over a dozen times) we were able to land CoCo as a contributor last night. He wrapped up the game late night style, and if you missed it like we did, as the term 'late night' denotes a time later than I stay up on school nights, I've pasted in the transcript of his monologue below. So enjoy and please send all your hate mail directly to Conan.
_ _ _ _ _

Thank you, thank you.

Thanks…

Thank you.

Wow this is great. I'm here hosting this webisode of Flyers Goal Scored By, and let me tell you something, I'm truly very excited to be here.

(applause)

Yep, yep. Almost as excited as Brian Boucher was to see Michael Leighton tear his groin and quad in half!

(raucous laughter)

But in all seriousness, as you probably saw a couple minutes ago, the Flyers lost to the Nashville Predators in a shootout.

(boos and moans)

Yep, yep. I know. It was difficult to watch. Yeah, this from a guy who watched 8 hours of CNN covering no updates in Healthcare reform news today.

(people literally shitting in their pants laughing)

And, as you know, tomorrow is St. Patrick's day…

(hoots and hollers)

Oh, we have a couple alcoholics in the crowd! Homer?

(naughty laughter)

Well I just read a study that reported the amount of alcohol sold in bars on St. Patrick's day is almost two times as much as the year's second most popular day, which I thought was the night before Thanksgiving, but turns out is the night the Flyers get knocked out of the playoffs by the Penguins every year.

(people are laughing harder than their internal organs are used to. like Brendan Fraser laughing. a lot of people are throwing up and having strokes.)

And one last thing - I'm sure you all heard about Tiger's return to the PGA this April?

(playful boos)

I know, I know. But I was just thinking that maybe we could put Mike Richards in touch with Tiger and he could begin to plan his return too, and at least pick up some pointers on how to score! (Conan mocks Richards' shoot out attempt).

(half of the audience is dead. cause of death? laughter.)

And now, please do me a favor and welcome Ray Emery and the Ray Emery Five!

(cut to shot of Ray Emery smoking drugs and turning on a pre-recorded song on a key board)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Conan then went into a skit that was inspired by the William Tell Challenge that Jeff Carter participated in on NHL.com, but he, of course, took it a bit further. In the NHL.com clip Jeff Carter shoots an apple off the head of a Maxim reporter. What Conan does is put an apple in a pool and has the guys take turns trying to get it. They all think it's going to be sooooo easy but when they get in the pool he opens a gate that unleashes two sharks disguised as dolphins! You should see the guys' faces when they go to pet them!

His guests were John Stevens and Peter Laviolette. Miley Cirus closed the show with Party in the U.S.A.