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Flyers S*ck Moose Cock
Written by Ryan   
Friday, 12 March 2010 09:02

You know how if there's a bad snow storm and you can't make it to the game the Flyers would generally try and honor your ticket at a later game? What happens if you can make it and they can't? I feel bad for anyone who spent money on that game last night. I went out to a pretty crappy dinner at this now local restaurant that turned out to be the old one, only with a new menu. But at least I got some food and booze. If you went to that game all you got was an advertisement for why you shouldn't go to a Flyers game. 2 1/2 hours and one cheer? That's rough.

But right now it's business time. Which is why I'm wearing my business socks.

The first iteration of our contest wasn't exactly the erotic adventure I hoped it would be. And that's probably Simon Gagne's fault. But what can you do. The lack of scoring and powerplays were cause for a fairly unexciting night on all fronts. Without further ado here are the Top 5 teams from last night (champagne cork breaks off in the top of the bottle. Get the hanger.)

Surprisingly 'Still Steve' Hartnell made the difference. The next three weeks we might need to change the set up a bit. There were over 50 teams with Jeff Carter on them, and when he scores the only goal in the game, well, that's not a very exciting situation you're dealing with. But we were able to get some decent stats from the sample we received.

- Jeff Carter was far and away the most highly sought after player. He was chosen on 71% of the teams. Rightfully so I guess, the dude's on fire. Stamkosian. (I heard that on Sports Center this morning. Yeah right, I heard 'he does a slamajam!' on Sports Center this morning. Actually, I don't even watch Sports Center.)

- Simon Gagne disappointed a lot of people for two reasons last night when he couldn't even get a shot off on his breakaway. Then when he missed an open net. And then when Richie hit him with a cross ice pass. He was on exactly 50% of the teams.

- A lot of people, myself included if I had been playing, thought the X factor was going to pull off some offensive feats last night (damn you Arron Asham!). Sadly 36% of people were left with no points when Claude kept his gloves on and didn't get any assists.

- The power play crew was rooting for a Pronger blast from the point. When there apparently are no more penalties called in Flyers games it's difficult to get that cannon loaded. A little over 26% of submissions had 'Pronger 0' when the final score was tallied.

-It's nice to see captain Mike Richards showing up on 43% of the teams. If there were points doled out for attempting to shoot the faceoff on net he would have been a wise choice.

- The man himself, Daniel Carcillo (11% of teams), had a couple players in the running until he decided to get himself a 10 minute misconduct. I wasn't sure how to handle this one but luckily it didn't factor into the first place spot.

The only players not chosen were Betts, Parent, and Powe. Powe would have made my squad for sure. Maybe next week Will Leino will make it as Carcillo's serving his suspension.

So it was the Cartnell Combo that got the job done last night. And because this site is more fun than the Price is Right, and no dogs lose their penises here, we're going to give both contestants that were daring enough to pick those two the GRAND PRIZE! Awwwwwwwww SHIT! John and mclassick, I'll reach out to you for your sizes and addresses later today - or if you're reading this and just want to send them along that would be stupendous.

If anyone has suggestions to vary up the scoring throw them in the comments below and we'll see what makes sense. Or if you want to rant about how the Flyers are not going to make the playoffs, and how they're by no means a Stanley Cup team, throw that down there too.


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Comments (12)Add Comment
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written by @ferrinn, March 12, 2010
damn. i thought for sure i was gonna get a ton of points with the 17 PIMs carcillo got.
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written by Matt R., March 12, 2010
The Flyers don't fill the score sheet with enough different scorers for that to work.

In retrospect, I'm glad my mom's coworker and her evil child went to that shitshow last night in my place.
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written by Snevik, March 12, 2010
I like gt's suggestion, but only in its unnecessary complexity (now with decimals!). Otherwise, I'll pass.

Another idea for a game: Flyers Points Survivor Pick 'Em. Each game, you pick one Flyer. He has scores a point, you survive, but that player is removed from your board. If he doesn't, you're eliminated.
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written by joe wade, March 12, 2010
this team is getting sad. I KNOW they'll make the playoffs but what happens once they get there?? Mike Leighton is a great backup... but that's it.
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written by gt6driver, March 12, 2010
Since we are talking about the Flyers, and we're all to some degree Philadelphia sports fans, I think this contest should be more pessimistic and negativity based. How about who sucks the least? (Ice time x =/-) + (shots on goal) + (goal x 10) + (assist x 5) + (PIM x -1)= most suckiest. I Know it sounds complicated, but based on these calculations, Powe sucked the least (4.00), followed by Betts(0.00). Most suckiest were Krajicek(-59.45) and Richards (-49.45). I'll send an e-mail with spreadsheet attached. And, by the way, no, my job is not very challenging.
-gt6driver
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written by AR16, March 12, 2010
I love Carbomb and all, but he has got to stop diving. He jumped into the boards on that penalty call. He's flirting with poser territory given some of his shenanigans.
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written by FGSB Ryan, March 12, 2010
Why not a Hartnell jersey? I'm starting to feel bad for that clown.

Great ideas - keep 'em comin'. Fran's sent out a request for proposal to Will Hunting to keep track of the scores.
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written by FGSB:Fran, March 12, 2010
What about fielding a complete 5 man team. So you can only pick on center, 2 wings and 2 D?


Snevik: happy birthday. I'd go with Jeroo...and since I'm not a jersey guy, I'll live my life through you from now on.
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written by njh723, March 12, 2010
i like Watchinem's idea a lot. i'd say either that or you pick 3, but the scoring is weighted (i.e. 1st pick gets 2x the points, 2nd pick gets 1.5x the points)
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written by Snevik, March 12, 2010
Here's another topic to discuss that will distract you from last night's bearclaw enema: my birthday present--from myself to myself, or FUBU--will be a Winter Classic jersey, from which I will remove the dated patch. Should Richards', Roo's, or Rabbit's given name go on the back?
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written by Sassy_Rat, March 12, 2010
You mean my Cote - Matsumoto - Emery line didn't win??
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written by Watchinem Flyers, March 12, 2010
How about you break the roster into 3 strata:
1) Players with >.75 PPG,
2) Players with .50 PPG
3) All the rest

Teams have to include one and only one member of each group. Right now these 3 groups contain:

Group 1 - Carter, Richards, Gagne
Group 2 - Briere, Pronger, X, Steve, Rabbit, Kimmo
Group 3 - A bunch of amusing wildcard choices


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