Carolina goes back Hartford. Tampa Bay goes to Quebec. Atlanta goes to Hamilton and becomes the Hamilton Fruit Stripe Gum. And the Panthers head all the way to Winnipeg. That's right Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Why make it 6 when you could make it 8? Reach for the stars and one day you'll be able to dunk with the help of a trampoline.
And then let's call a spade a spade - Divisions really don't mean anything. In fact, all they do is guarantee the Caps home ice in the first round even if the have a post-Olympic slide. So what we're going to do is leave the NHL with two conferences, but consolidate the divisions from 3 to 2. And they'll look like this.
Eastern Conference - Bourque Division
1. Boston Bruins
2. Hamilton Fruit Stripe Gum
3. Toronto Maple Leafs
4. Montreal Canadiens
5. Quebec Nordiques
6. Buffalo Sabres
7. Hartford Whalers
8. Ottawa Senators
Eastern Conference - Lemieux Division
1. Philadelphia Flyers
2. Pittsburgh Penguins
3. Nashville Predators
4. New York Rangers
5. New York Islanders
6. New Jersey Devils
7. Washington Capitals
Yes, we're taking Nashville. I mean, they're in Tennessee for Christ's sake. And the West:
Western Conference - Yzerman Division
1. Detroit Red Wings
2. St. Louis Blues
3. Chicago Blackhawks
4. Dallas Stars (renamed the Ranch Hands)
5. Minnesota Wild (renamed the North Stars)
6. Winnipeg Jets
7. Columbus Blue Jackets
Western Conference - Gretzky Division
1. Edmonton Oilers
2. Los Angeles Kings
3. Colorado Avalanche
4. Vancouver Canucks
5. Calgary Flames
6. San Jose Sharks
7. Anaheim Ducks
8. Phoenix Coyotes
You could play each team in your division 4 to 5 times and then every team from the other division in your conference home and away, and then figure out some system with the opposing conference.
I'm sure there are some of you that will disagree with my plan, but that's probably because you're inbreed, and I therefore wouldn't expect you to understand my genius. It takes a big league to admit when they've made a mistake. And the SE Division is a waste of good hockey. Or at least some good players that would be better appreciated in Canada or the Northeast.
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