In case you don't know, Pierre McGuire has, in the past, been accused by some of being a little too big of a fan of Flyers center Mike Richards. Like actually owns a Fathead level of fan. This first came up last spring during the playoffs and had grown to the point where I thought it had totally been blown out of proportion. I will now admit I was wrong.
First off, for some reason Pierre McGuire does his color commentating from between the benches. So it's like the Flyers broadcast with Keith Jones in between the glass and Steve Coates in his car smoking pot with Gina Lynn - in other words not there. Which means Gord Miller is all alone the entire game, which I imagine is…lonely I guess. I always though one of the best parts about being an announcer would be ripping SBDs and then my partner breathing them in during the middle of a sentence, but farting into your own face could be funny too I guess. But they talk to each other all game like they're right next to each other - maybe more than Jim Jackson and Jonesy do. McGuire might even talk more than Miller, now that I think about it. And what he's basically saying is this:
- something great about Mike Richards
- something wonderful about Mike Richards
- something sexually suggestive about/to Mike Richards
- how someone should play more like Mike Richards
- how great of a leader Mike Richards is
- what Mike Richads is doing at that moment
- what Mike Richards was doing at this moment 7 years ago in juniors
- how Mike Richards would thwart the US defenses if he decided he was going to invade America
- comparing Mike Richards to The Punisher
- drawing pictures of him and Mike Richards arguing over who forgot to turn the dishwasher on and showing it to the camera
- guessing how much Mike Richards can bench press
- describing the plot of a new concept show where Mike Richards is the Bachelor on Ice
- dry humping the partition between the benches
- saying "I think, yep, yep he's looking at me."
- threatening the Leafs bench about touching Mike Richards
- dropping his microphone and sticking his ass in Mike Richards direction
- telling Richards that if he's so tough why doesn't he "put your mouth where my mouth is?"
- trying to slip notes into the cuff of Mike Richards' glove as he skates by
- really giving it the full Silence of the Lambs
- scream crying "It was Mayers!! Get him Tolly!"
- telling Dragon to "shoot him" over in the direction of Mike Richards
- sneaking 151 into Mike Richard's water bottle
- telling Claude Giroux to watch his back
- recounting a conversation that is happening near him
He even caught himself about half way through the first and actually said "Not to make this the Mike Richards show" as if that would cancel out the 40 things he had already said and the 100 things he was going to say about why "Richards was endeared to Steve Yzerman because of how he uses his hands and his feet."
The one time he did change his focal point was Ian Laperriere was sitting right next to him on the other side of glass and McGuire launched into this story about Lappy's teeth getting stolen. Which in and off itself was fine, but creepily leaning forward, talking louder, and staring so as to hopefully get a response from Lappy was very strange.
Apparently McGuire walks to the rink with every player too. Even to if he had his dithers he'd only walk with one.
So while the game was a dud before 60+ hours off, some were still able to squeeze a little entertainment value out of it. That no goal call might as well been a seven goal call - the game was over after the first shift. But Pierre was just getting started.
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