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Man, Do the Phantoms Suck | October
Like the worst. Well, that's not actually accurate, but they're not far from it.

The median income of the towns that make up the Adirondacks in upstate New York is $45,000. The cost of a season ticket plan to 40 Phantoms home games in the lower level is $1,000. The average age of the Phantoms is 15 years old.

Once again all those stats are made up too, but they might not be far from the truth.

The Phantoms young nucleus of players is limping after 9 games in this young AHL season. The team has the second worst Goals Against Per Game (3.89), the second worst Points Per Game (.56), and only 3 teams sit below them in the entire league.

They haven't won in their last 5 and aren't even leading the league in penalty minutes.

I've always assumed that when I leave Rockefeller Center for good and head for the great Northwest or Northeast I'd be a huge supporter of whatever local team was filing 1/32nd of the last page of my local newspaper with recaps. Whether it be AHL or preferably Major Junior, I'd follow the team closely in secret and act as a casual season ticket holder in public. I'd take my kids to the games and they'd love the team, I'd enjoy the cheaper beer and my chauffeur would carry us all out of the arena and take us home after every game.

But I don't think that, if I were an Upstater right now, I could support the Phantoms. Not because I want to send a message to the organization, but because all that losing would not be good for my self-esteem. Could you imagine getting done with work, heading to the arena with a sense of energy and hope, and then leaving downtrodden every single night?

It's the same reason I don't play fantasy sports - I lose enough every day on my own, no need to go out there and actively recruit other ways to do so.

Homer's Whiz Kids are not embracing the professional limelight the way he'd hoped, and this is just another glimpse into the horror house of general managing that is Paul Holmgren's office. This is a problem that not even Rockin' Riles knows how to solve.

And BTW, you may have read a great deal about Mike Testwuide in September, but the kid has zero goals in 9 games. He's being outshined by the other media darling, Ben Holmstrom, who has a whopping 1. Don't expect to see either of these kids with the Flyers this year.

For real Phantoms news go to the Poststar and read Tim Mcmanus or follow him on Twitter @psphantoms. Guy does a really great job and he's one of our first reads every morning. For real.