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Flyers vs Canes: Retirement Party | February

"A time to think about and honor Rod Brind'Amour."

Think about how dumb that sounds.

I'm probably in the minority, pooooossssssibly in the middle, and no way in the majority in thinking that the fact that Rod the Bod's retirement ceremony is so exciting that I could lay down on the floor right here and fall asleep.

The guy was a Flyer fan favorite, whoopdie fucking do.

You know what I think every time I see people getting their picture taken with Bernie Parent, or even worse Bob Kelly at the WFC? I think "what the fuck are you going to do with that picture."

It's the same reason I don't care for raffles. I don't want to enter them, I don't want to win them, I don't want to lose them. I don’t give a shit. I don't want a new anything and I sure as hell don't need a Mark Sanchez jersey or a picture of me and Dave Matthews framed next to my bed.

And call me apathetic all you like, but I'm the same person that releases 20 helium balloons into the stratosphere every Friday night just to have a reason to celebrate. We yell, play instruments if we have them, march around like we're in a parade, crank up the jams. I love stupid parties. But to turn this 'ceremony' into anything more than an obscure reason to get drunker than usual is absurd.

The guy was a great hockey player. He had 20 years of getting doted upon and his reward was a boatload of money and getting out of traffic tickets.

There are about 20-30 players in the NHL history who should have their number retired. And we miiiiiight have 2 of them.

So to recap: I'm against non-iconic players getting their jerseys retired because it dilutes the sanctity of the entire scheme, even though I really enjoyed Rod Brind'Amour as a Flyer. And no this is not a metaphor against gay marriage because I am all for that. Guys and guys, girls and girls. They're your holes, do what you want with them. Whatever you want, I love it.

These unnecessary retirements remind me all too much of the 14 awards shows actors throw for themselves and the 17 that musicians have. Every guy playing a professional sport and every person getting paid to act or play music has already beaten all of us. Why must they then give themselves awards in front of us (while we cheer) as the extra stomp to the forehead exclamation point that I just don't need.

Let's call tonight what it really is going to be, another over-engineered stage show in Carolina that delays the start of the game for 45 minutes. Is there even a flipping game tonight?

I'm Andy Rooney, and this has been Let's Go Flyers.