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Flyers Thee-ate-er | January

Just wanted to make sure you were pronouncing that like a man (or lady) of dignity. It's about time we class this place up. So now, with the help of my closest (besides JT from Step by Step) childhood friends we're going to have a recreation of the conversation between Paul Holmgren and Michael Leighton, in which Holmgren said "Sorry Bubbie, you're out of here." The parts will be played by the following actors:

Ed Snider will played by Danny Tanner
Paul Holmgren will be played by DJ Tanner
Michael Leighton will be played by Stephanie Tanner (pre heroin)
Usually played by Daniel Carcillo, the role of Michelle Tanner will be played by Scott Hartnell this evening

Obviously, like any good script, this piece is laden with metaphor, and if you don't understand it it's probably because you're dumb, not because it's the exact dialogue from a scene of a Full House Season 2 episode called "Jingle Hell."

Lights, please.



Ed Snider: Come here, you little food processor. I got you. Don't worry, no more potty training today. All I really want is for you to be happy get good grades and get into an Ivy League college. Of course, most major universities do want you to be potty trained. Give me a kiss.

Michael Leighton: Ed! Look what Paul did.

Paul Holmgren: I did it for your own good.

Michael Leighton: Boy, are you gonna get it. Okay, Ed, ready? On your mark, get set, punish.

Paul Holmgren: Ed, he's always messing with my stuff (ed note: salary cap?!?). I had to teach him a lesson.

Ed Snider: I'll take it from here, okay? Michael, honey, you know that we need to treat each other's property with respect. And, Paul, in this family, we do not tie together each other's shoes. Unless there's some kind of weird emergency.

Paul Holmgren: Okay.

Michael Leighton: Sure.

Ed Snider: Red light. What's our rule after we fight?

Leighton and Holmgren: Never walk away angry.

Ed Snider: Very good. Now, go ahead and apologize.

Leighton and Holmgren: Sorry.

Ed Snider: Now, Paul, help Michael untie his shoes.

Scott Hartnell: Poo-poo.

Ed Snider: Poo-poo? Oh, Scott. Oh, I'll tell you what...why don't we just mosey on upstairs and, you know, just sit down, maybe on the potty and thumb through some college catalogues.

Michael Leighton: Okay, Paul, you heard the man, untie my shoes.

Paul Holmgren: The man said "help" untie your shoes. Here's some help: start with the little white sneaker.

Michael Leighton: You have to untie them too.

Paul Holmgren: No, I don't.

Michael Leighton: Yes, you do.

Paul Holmgren: No, I don't.

Michael Leighton: You do.

Paul Holmgren: No, I don't.

Michael Leighton: You do.


And with that, the curtain closes. The narrator (God?) voices over that Homer in fact did not help Leighton "untie his shoes" and sent him down to the minors as planned, despite Ed Snider's sage advice saying Homer should figure something else out.

And that's generally, my young friends, how signing someone to a 2 year $3M deal and then realizing you want to break up with them goes. Ohhhh, maybe this would have been better as a divorce/break up scene from Dinosaurs or Clarissa Explains it All….