Sometimes a good expletive gets the point across perfectly. Like:
"Are you fuckin' shittin' me?!?"
That might be one of my favorites. Because I'm pretty sure people are shittin' me all the time. Now that I see it written I'm not sure exactly what "shittin' me" could mean literally, but I am sure that it means people are being idiots. Whether these people are individuals or a group of people known as a corporation depends on how I'm being shitted.
That expletive up there is exactly what I thought when I went to see how much tickets to the Flyers-Devils PRESEASON game on September 26th cost. My fiance has never really seen an NHL game down low, or actually in the bottom level at all. We've always pretty much gone top shelf when we hit the big time. Now East Coast League games are a different story - you could probably sit in a little Mini-Me backpack on the leading scorer's back for an extra $20. But these guys in the NHL are fast giants and that puck moves even faster than you can imagine if you've never seen it up close. I want her to see why I even love the game - how beautifully chaotic it is at it's highest level. And seeing that is so much easier from down low, or at least so much more impressive.
So when I got to the website and saw seats that were anywhere near where I was hoping to sit, in NEWARK, for a PRESEASON game were over $250 I knew, I just knew, someone was shittin' me.
One of my favorite things to do is to picture how these big corporate meetings go down. I'd have to say I've been in about, no joke (220 working days a year over 5 years with at least 2 meetings a day) two thousand meetings around a big corporate table with 8 or more corporate robots, so even though that's not 10,000 hours I'd consider myself an expert on the subject. And this is how it goes. They look at the Prudential Center's preseason ticket sales for the last two years and try to figure out ways to get more seats filled at the regular price by using the only tools they are familiar with - more splash pages, billboards, pop-up ads, and Subway cross-promotions. They don't for one second think "Let's sell every ticket in the house for $10, we'll have a lottery." If you suggested that they'd tell you that you need to reprocess your actionable takeaways because you're mis-underestimating the logistics and statistics. Then you'd think "you have got to be fuckin' shittin' me," and they totally would be, but they'd just continue on with their default future.
Could you imagine a packed house for a PRESEASON game? I mean 100% capacity. Could you picture the buzz of the lottery? First of all, I went to this game last year and all the $10 seats, which there are few, were full. There were about 4k other people there at the most. At the very most. If you sold 19k tickets for $10 a piece you make 200k on just the tickets alone - a pittance. But think about the concessions and souvenirs. You get all that stuff cooking too. Let's say last year those 4k people paid an average of $80 a ticket, and keep in mind I'm being very generous on both accounts, the difference in ticket sales won't ever show up on even a monthly finance report. So basically there is no difference.
But if you think long-term, like I think these mafia drones would, imagine the marketing power of this promotion. Converting new fans, getting people interested in the product, getting kids into hockey in general. Those are things you can't calculate as Return on Investment so the CFO is never going to sign off on them, but just because you can't measure it with a calculator doesn't mean it's not real.
At least go halfsies you assdicks.
And I intend on telling my tv this from my couch in Brooklyn on the 26th. Because, to be honest with you, it's just not worth it.
Inspired by his new home, I suppose, Chris Pronger recently admitted to me in a dream that he's become a huge fan of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the only tv show out there that has an occasional Flyers symbol in it. Which is probably why he went ahead and did the strangest thing I've never heard of and had Charlie Kelly, the actual character, write a letter of warning to Sidney Crosby for him:
Im so glad that i cam to philadlphea because now i am so much closr to your butt then i was before. i am going to eat your butt and jam so much stuf up it all the time. evry time i see you im going to box you in and jam you up. just you and me sharing the night it might seem wrong but its just right. i am going to TREAD. ALL. OVER. YOU. DUDE. Green man is not going to be able to save your life, bro. i am going to smash your face into a jelli!
Ask and ye shall receive, sucka
Charlie n Chris
Well, that was certainly strange! I guess now would be a good time to mention that the 5th season of the aforementioned show starts on Thursday September 17th, which is also the same night that the Flyers take on the Leaves in London. What a glorious month September is!
Here's a list of guys who wore the Orange and Black in 2006-2007 and what they're up to in preparation for the 2009-10 season:
Mike Knuble – getting ready to play on Alex Ovechkin’s wing in Washington, practicing catching OV after he jumps off the glass during one of his 70 goal celebrations this season.
R.J. Umberger – coming off a 46 point season, which made him the top scoring center in Columbus, Umberger’s looking to improve on those numbers in the 2nd of his big 4 year contract.
Joffrey Lupul – apparently still has his head in the clouds because although he stated earlier this summer “I want to make a breakthrough. I've always been the secondary scorer, the guy who's been pretty productive but hasn't really taken a lead role. I want to change that this year, to go up a notch," he didn’t do anything to downplay his reputation of being unfocused by appearing as an extra in the Entourage season finale recently. It’s all about perception these days. Everyone’s judging everyone, Joffrey.
Scottie Upshall – getting ready to have a career year with the “ “ Coyotes so he can get paid that 30 goal scorer money. He’s an RFA at the end of the season, again.
Vinny Prospal – is living the dream after getting bought out by the Lightning and then singing with the Rangers he’ll be earning even more dough this season than he originally thought. He’ll also be getting Prongered more this season, which is definitely not good for him in the long term.
Steve Downie – Downie is finally done with the Rookie Camp aspect of his life, and despite his demotion to the AHL last season and subsequent suspension there was some talk that he might be a top 6 forward in TB. That was before the signing of Alex Tanguay, however. But he’s still one of the few forwards on the Lightning’s roster with a number next to his name. Could be the Year of the Downie.
Jim Dowd – this says it all:
Jason Smith – having just retired yesterday, Smith is already on a plane to Tulane University where they are going to let some 4th year Medical Students document the encyclopedia of injuries he incurred during his 16 years in the league.
Sami Kapanen: Man does Google Translator offer up some gems:
Denis Tolpeko – is gearing up for his second season with Dynamo Moscow, who boast such former Flyers as Alexi Zhitnik, Danny Markov, and Dimitry “Why Does the Caged Bird Sing” Afanasenkov.
Stefan Ruzicka – gearing up for his second year with Moscow Spartak. Was second in scoring behind former Flyer Branko Radivojevic last season.
Jaroslav Modry – Modry signed a two year deal with Libirec of the Czech Extraliga last season and captained the team before jumping ship in May to play with HC Plzen. Hard to believe, right? That was a rough one….that was a rough one to hear about.
Ryan Potulny – this summer Potulny resigned his two-way contract with the Oilers. He only got 8 games with the Oil last season but smashed it up in the AHL with 62 points in 70 games.
Rory Fitzpatrick – after spending the summer in Ocean City, Maryland, Fitzpatrick is gearing up to spend another season in the AHL as captain of his home town Rochester Americans.
Marty Biron – making less money around more goombas.
Kyle Greentree – one of the Flames (Quad City!) highest priorities this off season, Greentree was resigned in May after leading the Flames (Calgary…) farm team with 76 points. He’ll be 26 this November and it’s starting to look like it’s now or never.
Benedict Guenin – signed a one year deal with the Penguins this summer. If he sees any NHL ice this season I hope it’s against the Flyers, and he gets Prongered too. I never did like that guy…
Alexandre Picard – has one more year left on his contract with the Sens and then hits the RFA market next July. He had 20 points last year and with the loss of Jason Smith’s offensive production the Senators will need Picard to step up and get those extra two points.
Jesse Boulerice – staying in shape, hurting something somewhere. I honestly can’t find anything on this guy, but I’m sure he’ll end up boxing on ice with some AHL club this season.
Ben Eager – I cannot believe this idiot had 11 goals last season. He’s coming back to the Hawks this fall for an RFA contract year, but the recent toughness Chicago acquired in Patrick Kane is sure to put Ben’s raise in jeopardy come negotiation time. If he wants Scottie Upshall money he’s going to need to step it up from his 14 “fights” last season while keeping his goal production in double digits. Basically he needs a miracle. That’s what I’m saying.
Antero Nittymaki – getting a tan, playing golf, and haunting the Thrashers from a little bit closer.
The Flyers 2009 Training Camp Guide has hit the web and it looks like this season's slogan is going to be "Relentless." I suppose the extra revenue that could have been generated by going with "Hungry for Subway, thirsty for Sierra Mist" just wasn't enticing enough. But truth be told this raging headache I'm getting from all the orange on the cover and the varying and seemingly unrelated design themes is making it difficult to concentrate, so maybe I'm just tripping and jumping to conclusions. Maybe only training camp will be relentless.
Could someone please confirm for me that they can see Jeff Carter on page 16 as well? What is that picture of him doing there?
Were the jerseys always this orange? Can someone feel my head?
Their most recent post is a take on Puck Daddy's 5 reasons you love hockey, which is as good a way to introduce yourself as any. They have some good points over there but are missing a couple key reasons why you should love hockey:
5. How when Wayne Gretky scored his 77th goal of the season the Oilers wore pants that displayed their sweaty ass cracks. (youtube it suckas)
4. Mike Ricci - world's ugliest man?
3. Sharp for Zhamnov
2. And tonight, your starting goaltender for the Pittsburgh Penguins, Jean-CLaude Van Damme!
1. Street Hockey balls - Blue for cold, Red for warm.
The Army is over there in the blog roll so check them out from time to time. And Matty Matt, don't worry about the orange font on the black screen, that's where we all started. Can't wait to see my boy grow up!
I love having propaganda shoved up my butt as much as the next guy, only I'm not sure what the purpose of this photo is. Update: Simon Gagne healhty enough to work out. But what are they really trying to say? I'm pretty sure all of the full season ticket packages and most of the partial plans have been sold already, so is this really just to quell the fans' fears that Gagne might miss some regular season time? Do they really care about the fans that much? I doubt it. They're either trying to get me to buy new ceiling fans or grow my hair out like Ernie McCraken, or something squirrely. As we all know corporations are always up to something. As if the latest battle between Comcast and Direct TV isn't proof enough of that.
If Gags is rehabbing anything I think he should be over there among the free weights rehabing those biceps to professional athlete size. no comments
One of the best days of the year is here. The day when the old, scratched up disk in my xbox gets retired to the Shelf of Fame, and replaced with this year's model. I'm talking of course about NHL10, EA Sports' hockey game that takes up as much of my free time as watching hockey does. There are reviews aplenty out there today, but seriously, if you are a puckhead, chances are you're reading this blog...and chances are you'll be in line at Gamestop tonight as soon as the work whistle blows. I'm pumped to see what the new look Flyers play like, and to start as many fights with Chris Pronger as possible. The demo was fun, but I freakin' hated playing the Wings/Penguins for the past 2 weeks. I need some Orange&Black. If you don't think the first thing I'm doing is dropping the gloves with Talbot and Carcillo, then you are sorely mistaken. If you're like me, you'll be playing this nonstop until May. There are some decent new modes, like the Battle for the Cup(just the playoffs), and also some nifty new gameplay features like board play and precision passing. It's enough to make me want to call out of work sick, tape up my thumbs, grab an orange soda and play until I puke.
So go get it already! And if you're playing on Xbox 360, send us an email and we'll get a FGSB group going for weekly battles over the innernette. Check out Puck Daddy's review as well as Metacritic's score.
And no, this isn't a sponsored post, although it feels like one. But shit, if Microsoft, EA or anyone else wants to throw me some Wawa shorti money, I'll talk about anything (except for children, I'm required by law not to talk about, to look at, to have, to build cool forts for, or to socialize with children). Let's Go Flyers.
A player fighting twice in one night has always intrigued me. Whether the second fight is a rematch or it’s because someone on the other team thinks you deserve it for even getting in the first one it’s always something that catches the eye on the score sheet. Some guys go through their entire career without having two fights, in an occupation where all they do is give you five minutes penalty, so I’ve always appreciated the occasional two fight night. John Stevens, yes the Flyers current head coach John Stevens, had 1 fight every 20 games in his professional career at many different levels of the pro game. Just before the start of the 1986-87 NHL season, after a preseason that saw him unable to crack the big club’s opening night roster, the 20 year 3rd rounder was sent to the Hershey Bears for some development. And some chocolate. In late January, after a solid first half with the Bears Stevens was called up to the Flyers as a replacement for big Dave Richter who sprained his knee in a game against the Islanders. Stevens would play his first NHL game in Buffalo and even earn an assist on a Peter Zezel power play goal that put the game out of reach for the Sabres. The next night the Flyers were at home against the Penguins and young John Stevens was in the lineup again, and again he earned an assist on a third period goal that helped put the game in the bag. Known mainly as a defensive defenseman it was a bit surprising that Stevens had earned two apples in his first two NHL games.
John Stevens, yes the Flyers current head coach John Stevens, had 1 fight every 20 games in his professional career at many different levels of the pro game. Just before the start of the 1986-87 NHL season, after a preseason that saw him unable to crack the big club’s opening night roster, the 20 year 3rd rounder was sent to the Hershey Bears for some development. And some chocolate. In late January, after a solid first half with the Bears Stevens was called up to the Flyers as a replacement for big Dave Richter who sprained his knee in a game against the Islanders. Stevens would play his first NHL game in Buffalo and even earn an assist on a Peter Zezel power play goal that put the game out of reach for the Sabres. The next night the Flyers were at home against the Penguins and young John Stevens was in the lineup again, and again he earned an assist on a third period goal that helped put the game in the bag. Known mainly as a defensive defenseman it was a bit surprising that Stevens had earned two apples in his first two NHL games.